Rejection of Approval
by DeanLittle67
Summary: When Robert Chase leaves New Jersey, he finds a new life in Chicago. However, when an old colleague shows up, the threat of everything falling apart is apparent. He has a choice to make, to stay in Chicago or to go back for one last game against House.


Robert Chase had left New Jersey in a rush, not bothering to tell anyone. He was done, done with this job and House and Cameron. He was done being treated like garbage by his colleagues. He was done cleaning up House's messes and being the scapegoat. So, he found an apartment in Chicago, changed his name, learned an American accent, all to cover up what had been done - what he had done. The guilt had weighed on him, on everyone, from that night, and he couldn't take it. He couldn't take the guilt eating him alive.

He'd gone through the Academy, slowly making his way up the ranks until he hailed the title Lieutenant. It was a wonderful day, knowing he could indeed amount to something without House. And several years had passed, he'd fallen in love, he'd lost friends. But despite all the tragedy he had experienced, he was happy. He'd found a way, had found a happier existence than what he had experienced previously. He continued to save lives, and that made him ecstatic. It made him even more ecstatic that he could so without the belittlement of House.

That was until a late March evening. They had gotten back to the station after a run, apartment fire and everyone survived. It had shaken him up though, like all close calls did. He didn't like the fact that something could happen and he could die, but he pushed past it in order to do his job, in order to make sure that his team came out of each building alive and intact.

"Casey, you have a visitor," Boden told him. "He's in your quarters." The look on Boden's face was one that Casey had never seen before. Anger, confusion, betrayal, none of these seemed to describe the exact look. He couldn't imagine who was there that would make Boden look so… different. He put his stuff away and then walked to his quarters. The rest of the team went to the lockers and showers, cleaning up after the run. He opened the door, revealing the second to last person he wanted to see.

"Chase," Foreman said with a smile. "Long time, no see." Casey's blood boiled, not sure how Foreman found him or even why he was here. And frankly, Casey didn't care. He didn't want to know, because as far as he was concerned, he didn't care. He just wanted to have his life, no surprises, no random visits from people who were part of his past.

"Why are you here?" he asked, then remembering that he didn't care. "Actually, I don't want to know. I want you to leave, go back to New Jersey, and never come back," he told him frankly, arms crossed over chest.

"We need you back, Chase," Foreman said. "We need a surgeon who is willing to do the operation. Seventeen year old, Coronary Revascularization is the only way to save her life, and no surgeon will do it because of the risk. So, I went looking for you, because I knew you would." Casey sighed, knowing it was true - if his license was still valid and if he was anywhere near willing to go back.

"I'm still there, Chase. Because I chose to be, but you left." Foreman looked around, seeing the pictures and the CFD memorabilia. He smiled, "But I would understand if you decided to say 'Fuck Off.' You have a life here, and nice accent by the way." Casey didn't appreciate the humor in the situation.

"How can you _want _ to still be there, Foreman? He almost cost Cameron her life, your job, and my freedom! I left and got out of there! I'm not going to go crawling back to an unethical drug user of a doctor!" he yelled, the team of Firehouse 51 starting to congregate in front of the office, Australian accent slipping through the more he yelled. "He almost _killed _Cameron, and I helped! I gave up being a doctor because of that, because I didn't want to end up being _exactly like him_! You lost _nothing_, Foreman! Nothing! While Cameron lost everything! While I lost my job, my reputation, and pretty damn close to my license! So go back to New Jersey and have your perfect life with your job and your girlfriend, and let me live mine!" He panted as he finished, out of breath from the amount of yelling. As he did so, he looked out the window of his quarters, Gabby with hand over mouth and everyone shocked. He knew they heard most of it, if not all, and he knew that his secret was out.

He opened the door. "Everyone in the conference room, now," he almost growled, the anger and frustration still apparent in his voice and body language. He glared at Foreman. If he had never come everything would be fine, he would still have the normal life he wanted. "With me," he said to the person he used to call a friend. He lead him to the conference room, and as the door opened the room went silent.

"Okay, guys," he said, letting his natural accent show through. "I owe you an explanation." He sat on the stool in front of them, all eyes on him - on his secret. "I grew up as Robert Chase. Born and raised in Australia, went to Med School, and worked under Gregory House at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in New Jersey for several years until an incident occurred where we were treating a colleague. House had me do surgery, not telling me why or the risks, so I followed him blindly and she almost died. So, I changed my name, changed everything about me, and came here. And you guys know the rest." He sighed, looking at the men and women who probably felt like they had been deceived.

"So, do we even know you?" Cruz asked, leaning back in the chair. The other men nodded in agreement. Again, he sighed.

"I never lied to you guys. This is my personality, this is my ethics and my beliefs. I just excluded my background and history, and you guys never asked. I never lied about who I was," he reminded them again. He looked at Gabby, a look of confusion on her face. "Now that that's all out of the way, I need to speak to Foreman here, and you all can go home." He stood and walked over to Gabby.

"Can we talk at home?" he asked her, making sure that she was still going to be there.

"Definitely," she replied, gently kissing him. When she left, he turned back to Foreman. The man was smiling, arms across chest in his 'I told you so' stance. Casey sighed as he leaned back on one of the tables.

"I'm not going back, Foreman. No matter what you say or what House has to offer. I have a life here. I have a job I love, a girl most would kill for, and a group of people I can call my family - not an overbearing, drug addict off a leader and the two people I was competing with for attention and praise. I'm sure you can find another surgeon," Casey told him. "I'll call you a cab."

"Not necessary." Foreman looked at him. "I'm glad you're happy, Chase. Really glad. And that girl of yours, she seems like a keeper. Don't let her get away." Casey smiled slightly and shook Foreman's hand.

There was a difference between the two women. Cameron had married her first husband because he was dying, and only married Casey because she couldn't have House. However, Gabby could have whoever she wanted, but she and Casey chose each other, and that's what mattered. The butterflies didn't matter, because he was with a woman who chose him, not because it was out of pity, but because it was out of pure and raw love and attraction.

He walked to his locker, looking at the name he'd written. CASEY. He was Lieutenant Matthew Allan Casey, not Doctor Robert Rowan Chase. He would never be Doctor Chase again, and a part of him was okay with that. However, there was the part of him that so desperately wanted to be a doctor again. It would be more money, more status, but he didn't need that. House had made his career a living hell, and he didn't think he could go back to that without doubting himself because he didn't have House's constant approval.

He grabbed his bag from his locker, walking out to his truck. Going home to Gabby was the only good thing that could come out of this day. And he was sure she'd have questions, about everything. He no longer had to hide behind the shame and guilt of it all, but at the same time he'd lived in that dark hole for so long that the light of freedom was a little too bright, a little too intense, and it was terrifying. It was like a wounded animal running again for the first time, failure or success. And that's how he saw going home. Either Gabby was going to take it all well, or she wasn't. She could tell him that their relationship was built on lies, that it couldn't last. He hoped that wasn't the case.

When he arrived home, Gabby was sitting on the couch with two glasses of wine. He tossed his bag on a chair in the dining room before making his way to her, sitting next to her. They smiled at each other before she handed him one of the glasses of wine.

"Well, that was a bit of a shocker," she told him, smirking as she took a sip. He nodded, not sure what to say. What was there _to _say? "Casey, I'm not leaving anytime soon, I just want to know. I want to know who you really are, not who you've changed into. I want to know the guy who followed a man blindly, who gave up an apparent promising medical career." She took his hand in hers. "No judgements. Plus, I think the Aussi accent is pretty sexy," she added, nudging him gently with a smile. He smiled back, thankful that she was somewhat understanding.

"There's not much to say, to be honest." he said as she laid on the couch. He laid down with her, setting the glasses of wine on the table.

"What was it like?" she asked him, both laying on the couch with his head on her lap. She was combing her fingers through his hair softly, soothing him. He sighed softly, tracing patterns on her other arm.

"Like every job. Good cases and bad. There's one I remember the most though. Nine year old cancer patient who was hallucinating. I was doing a procedure - can't remember which - and she was talking about how she never kissed a boy. Then she asked, 'Will you kiss me?' The look on my face was probably… I don't even know. But, I had to say no, you know?" he questioned, looking up at her. She nodded for him to continue the story. "I was telling her that she was nine, I was quite a bit older, telling her that this wouldn't be her last chance. She kept asking. Looking back on it, I probably shouldn't have, but I was thinking that this girl was dying. A year tops, and she was asking me this one thing. This one small thing. It felt wrong either way, but… I bought her Museum of Natural Science tickets, so she could see real butterflies..." he trailed off.

"Kinda creepy, got to admit," Gabby said, "but sweet." He rolled his eyes, remembering everyone's reaction when the found out.

"Well… They were shocked to say the least when they found out. Cameron couldn't look me in the eye, House… well, was House to put it in simple terms. Told me that's why I wasn't allowed to touch his markers. House was like God. Never talked to his patients - unless strictly necessary for some reason or another, usually to tell if they're lying or not - but there were times where he gave them a choice. You live or you die, and that was that. We followed him blindly, Gabby. _I _followed him blindly. I was the best surgeon at that hospital, and I threw it away because I still wanted to get his approval." He took a deep breath, steadying himself as he thought back to that day.

"What happened?" Gabby asked softly. "What did he ask you to do?" Casey's mind was filled with memories of that day and images of the time he was with Allison. He gently shook his head, trying to get the thoughts out of his head.

"She had been having a hard time walking for a couple weeks. Incontinence, and eventually, she couldn't walk. Spinal tumor in between L2 and 3. So, House pages me, explains the situation, but doesn't tell me that she's already refused treatment or how big the tumor actually was. I do the surgery, and we find out that the tumor was not only between the two vertebrae, but had almost engulfed L3 from the amount outside of the disc. The surgery paralyzed her, and I was the one they blamed. They didn't believe that I didn't know the risks or that she'd refused, however, when I mentioned House asking me to do it, they allowed me to keep my license. I tried getting another job after that, but no hospital would hire me, and a private practice was too expensive. So, I gave up, changed my name, moved here, and you know the rest," he told her. He didn't like admitting he gave up, didn't like feeling like he'd given up his hopes and dreams. But this right here, this was what mattered to him. Doctor or not, Gabby loved him for who he was. Had none of it happened, he may never have found her, may never have fallen in love with the perfect woman.

"It sounds like you really cared about her," she told him. "To go in blindly, trusting this House guy enough to save her life." He disagreed strongly.

"I didn't save her life, Gabby. I ruined it. I was the one who paralyzed her, I was the one who decided to follow House, and that led to her never being able to be a doctor again or to walk again or to have a normal life. But that was the thing about him. He was so hypocritical. When his girlfriend decided that he had to have a surgery to save his leg despite him not wanting to, it left him with a limp and chronic pain. And he hated her for it, and he turned around and did the same thing to Allison, and it ended up the same way. Her hating her life to the point of pure depression." Tears welled in his eyes, remembering the day he read what had happened.

"Doctor Allison Cameron ends life at age 33," he managed to choke out. "I didn't even go to her funeral, couldn't bear knowing that I did that to her. I did that to her, Gabby."

"Shh," she said, cradling his head gently, kissing his forehead. "I wasn't your fault, babe, not one bit." He just nodded, not wanting to believe it. He'd carried around the guilt for years, but now it didn't have to eat him alive.

"I… I was thinking about going back to do the surgery," he admitted. "Despite all the yelling that said otherwise. Like it's a chance to redeem myself."

"I'll stand behind you one-hundred percent," Gabby assured him, kissing him gently. Casey was still on the fence about it, but a part of him wanted to prove that he could do it, to show House what he'd built without him. The other part was terrified that House wouldn't approve, and that part was the worst. Despite being gone for nearly seven years, he still longed for that approval.


End file.
